‘Tis the season.
Family, friends, food. Gatherings. Travel. Gifts. A break from the usual routines.
My very first experience with food allergies was Thanksgiving night when my daughter was three months old. In our case it was an attempt to “see if the baby would take a bottle from Mimi” before my husband and I went to a wedding the following weekend. Using the free formula from the pediatrician seemed a lot easier than pumping, so that’s what we did. Unfortunately, turns out it was not the easier option in the end. We were out of state and found ourselves in a hospital that night with our infant. She was ok, but it was such a scary experience. It would take nearly nine additional months to officially get a milk allergy diagnosis, but a new fear settled over us that night.
We’ve had to use epinephrine on one of our children on Christmas Eve, after consuming “the wrong” holiday treat.
We’ve left a family wedding for the hospital with one of our children requiring epinephrine, after bending our rule of “only eat what we brought” and accepting a food that didn’t come from home.
We’ve doled out more Benadryl at family parties than I care to remember.
Why? Because we tried new things, went to new places, and if I’m being totally honest, we let our guard down a little while we were still learning about the seriousness of food allergies. In time we learned a lot and found better, safer ways to approach these breaks in routine.
With Thanksgiving behind us and the holiday season kicking off, it’s a great time to think about some tips and tricks for navigating this time of year safely and joyfully. Here are some things that have helped my family:
1) Always bring your epinephrine
Make sure you have two epinephrine auto-injectors with you, at all times. Remain cognizant of temperature – don’t leave them sitting in a cold car, or out in the hot sun. Epinephrine auto injectors should be stored at temperatures 68-77 °F.
2) Call ahead and talk to your host (or restaurant manager)
You can tell pretty quickly if they are interested in accommodating food allergies, or if it will be too much for them to take on. If they cannot accommodate you, pack your own food and stay alert to the foods being served. Or head out before food is served if that works better. Regardless, make sure you know all of the ingredients for anything you choose to consume, and avoid cross contact. Accommodations could include not allowing certain ingredients, using safe substitutions, reminding guests to wash hands after eating, providing a clean area of the kitchen for your food storage and/or prep, sending photos of food labels ahead of time or saving labels for your review.
3) Offer to host
You will have more control and oversight this way. You may want to take on all the food, or you may choose to accept help from trusted individuals. An added bonus, by hosting you have an opportunity to educate and help increase awareness around food allergies. FARE has a lot of free resources. Bear in mind, hosting can mean more work. It never felt fair to me when food allergy folks were expected to make, bake, or buy everything. My words of wisdom: consider this option if you’d like, but don’t get yourself locked in a situation where all expectations fall to you for the holidays and beyond.
4) Bring your own meal
If you want to attend but don’t feel comfortable eating the food, prep your own meal and bring it. We often did this. Food allergy kids are still kids – they can be picky eaters. While this option felt like extra work for me and my husband ahead of time, we appreciated the fact that by bringing safe food our kids liked, we knew they’d actually eat, and we wouldn’t be dealing with “hangry” kiddos later!
5) Pack safe extras
Even with the clearest communication ahead of time, things happen that can turn a safe food experience into an unsafe food situation. “Oh shoot, I forgot and put butter in that” or “I didn’t know pecan was a tree nut”. It’s ok. 99% of the time these are innocent mistakes and oversights that are not intentional. (I’ve never seen this done intentionally, but I’ll leave 1% for craziness that may have gone down for others – in which case, gather your things and head for the door!) That said, it can feel hurtful, disappointing and frustrating when these things happen. Travel with safe, pre-packaged items you can grab in a pinch to help make these moments less stressful.
6) Practice saying “no” ahead of time
ADULTS: Do this especially if you are new to managing food allergies (as an individual or a caregiver). It can feel awkward to say no to someone’s homemade dish made with their great grandmother’s recipe. That’s ok. This is important. Food allergies are serious. A simple “no thank you” or even, “no thank you, I’m allergic” will more than suffice. (Honestly, I prefer the second option because it might lead to a larger conversation, which could lead to an educational moment, increased awareness and new allies for the food allergy community!) If they push it, that’s on them. Stay confident in your safety plan. LITTLES: Teach your little ones to say “no thank you” to food from a very young age. Nobody should be feeding your child, but even well-intended cousins etc. will try, and you might not be right there. I’ve seen onesies and bibs that say things like “Don’t feed me! I have food allergies.” Dramatic? Maybe, but it gets the point across. Empower your little ones. Use play time to practice different scenarios so your child is familiar with saying no “before the big game”. You can also enlist family and friends to support this practice in everyday life, by “testing” your kiddo – offering them something to eat and reporting back to you with how they handled it. That way you know to either pat yourself on the back or focus harder.
7) Prioritize
Decide what matters to you most and proceed accordingly. Is it about being with people you love and making memories? Is it about the food? Is it both? Use the tips listed above and approach holiday festivities based on your priorities.
There is a fine line between feeling safe and isolating yourself “in the name of safety”. As I bring up in my book, Just One Bite: A Food Allergy Mom’s Search for Answers, we have managed significant food allergy anxiety in my home over the years. I know it can feel easier to just avoid a situation altogether “in the name of safety”. I encourage you to explore safe ways to approach the situation instead of assuming that avoidance is the only option. Where there’s a will, there’s likely a safe way.
* The information in this post is based on the opinions and experiences of the author and does not constitute medical advice. Meghan Neri is a food allergy mom, support group leader, educator, advocate and author of "Just One Bite: A Food Allergy Mom's Search for Answers".
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